A lot of estate planning calls don't come from the person who needs the plan. They come from a daughter who's worried about Dad, or a son who just took Mom to a doctor's appointment and realized nothing is in writing.
These callers mean well, and they're often the reason the work happens at all. But they aren't the client. The parent is. How your intake team handles that from the first call protects the parent, the family and your firm.
This post covers the general approach. Your attorneys should set the exact policy, because ethics rules on capacity, confidentiality and family involvement vary by state.
Why this call is different
When an adult child calls, three questions sit underneath the conversation, even if nobody says them out loud.
- Who's the client? The person whose plan it is. The parent signs the documents, the plan reflects the parent's wishes and the lawyer's duties run to the parent.
- Can the parent make these decisions? A will or trust is only as solid as the signer's capacity when they sign it. If there are real questions about memory or understanding, the attorney needs to know before the meeting, not during it.
- Is this the parent's idea? Most of the time, yes. But a plan pushed by one child, especially one that favors that child, is the kind of plan that gets challenged later as undue influence.
Your intake team doesn't decide any of these. Their job is to gather enough information that the attorney can, and to avoid doing anything on the call that makes it harder.
What intake should do
Welcome the call
Don't make the caller feel like a suspect. They took a step most families put off.
"I'm glad you called. A lot of our clients first hear about us from a son or daughter. Let me get some information so we can help your [mom]."
Explain who the client is, simply
Set the expectation early, before the caller gets into private details about the parent's money.
"Just so you know how this works, the plan will be your [mom's], so the attorney will need to talk with her directly, and usually meet with her privately for at least part of the consultation. That's standard. It protects her and it protects the plan."
Most adult children are fine with this once they hear it's standard practice. If someone pushes back hard on the attorney ever speaking with the parent alone, note it. That's information the attorney will want.
Get the basics about the parent
- Parent's name, age and where they live (home, with family, assisted living, nursing facility).
- "Does your [mom] know you're calling today?"
- "Is this something she's asked for help with?"
- "Is she able to talk on the phone or come in for a meeting? Would a home or facility visit be easier?"
- Any hearing, vision or mobility needs for the meeting.
- The best way to reach the parent directly.
Ask about health carefully
You're not assessing capacity. You're giving the attorney a heads-up.
"Is there anything about your [mom's] health the attorney should know to plan the meeting? For example, memory concerns or a recent hospital stay?"
Write down what the caller says, in their words. Don't ask follow-ups that sound like a diagnosis, like "So would you say she has dementia?" If the caller mentions a dementia diagnosis, a recent hospitalization or a serious illness, flag it. Those cases may need a different approach, and some may not be estate planning matters at all. They might call for a guardianship or conservatorship conversation, and that's the attorney's call.
Ask about the family and the caller's role
- "Do you have brothers or sisters? Are they involved?"
- "Do you have a power of attorney for your [mom]?"
- "Do you expect to be named in any role, like executor or trustee?"
These aren't accusations. They help the attorney see the family picture. A child with a power of attorney still can't make a will for the parent, and what else the document allows depends on its terms and state law. That's for the attorney to sort out. Intake should just ask the caller to bring a copy.
Book the right meeting
The consult needs to include the parent. Depending on your firm's policy, that might mean:
- Scheduling directly with the parent by phone.
- Booking a time the parent can attend, with the child welcome to help with transportation and setup.
- Arranging a home, hospital or facility visit if your attorneys do those.
"The best next step is a meeting with [Attorney] and your [mom]. Could we call her directly to set a time, or do you already know a time that works for her?"
If your firm requires a call with the parent before booking, say so: "Before we book, our team will call your [mom] to confirm she'd like to meet."
Speak with the parent directly
This is the step firms skip most often, and it's the one that matters most. A short call with the parent before the consult does three things:
- Confirms the parent wants to meet and understands why.
- Gives them a chance to speak without the child on the line.
- Lets the firm hear, informally, how the parent is doing.
The call can be simple:
"Hi Mrs. [Name], this is [Name] from [Firm]. Your son called us about helping you with your estate plan, and I wanted to check with you directly. Is that something you'd like to talk with one of our attorneys about?"
If she says yes, book it with her. If she seems confused about why you're calling, says she doesn't want a plan or says her son is "handling it," write down exactly what she said and flag it for the attorney before anything else happens.
What intake should not do
- Share the parent's information back with the child without the parent's okay. Once the parent is a prospective client, their information deserves the same care as any client's. Your attorney should set the rule for what staff can tell family members.
- Take instructions about the plan from the child. "Mom wants everything to go to me" is a note, not an instruction.
- Quote the fee to the child as if they're the client. A child paying for a parent's plan can be fine, but the attorney needs to handle it, usually with the parent's informed consent and a clear understanding that the lawyer still works for the parent.
- Offer opinions on capacity. "She sounds fine to me" from a staff member isn't worth anything, and it could be quoted later.
Red flags to pass to the attorney
Note these word for word and flag the lead:
- The caller wants the plan to benefit them in particular.
- The caller doesn't want siblings to know.
- The caller resists any private meeting between the attorney and the parent.
- The parent recently moved in with the caller, or the caller recently took over the finances.
- A recent diagnosis, hospitalization or decline.
- A rushed timeline, like "we need this signed this week."
None of these proves anything. Many have innocent explanations. But each one is something the attorney should know before the first meeting. Some of these calls also touch long-term care and Medicaid, which raise their own questions. See intake for elder law and Medicaid planning inquiries.
Write it down as a policy
Most estate planning firms get these calls every week. Don't leave it to whoever answers. Have your attorneys write a one-page policy covering:
- Who can schedule the consult, and with whom.
- When staff must talk to the parent directly.
- What staff can and can't tell family members.
- Which red flags go to an attorney before booking.
Then build it into your script. Our intake script for estate planning consultations is a good starting point.
Where IntakeGenius fits
We build your intake around your firm's rules. When the IntakeGenius AI voice agent hears "I'm calling about my mom," it follows the path your attorneys approved. It explains that the parent is the client, gathers the family details and books the meeting your policy calls for. The notes land in IntakeCRM so a person on your team can reach the parent directly. Want to hear how that call would sound? Grab 15 minutes with us. No slides.